In-Goo We Trust, PLEASE!

Henny Youngman arrived early to the theater. He needed to go backstage to get ready for his act and asked a stagehand to find seats for his wife and friends. “Take my wife, please” was the innocent remark he made, but the stagehand thought it was a joke and laughed. Did Sadie blush? Did she laugh with the stagehand or cut Henny a dirty look and give it to him when they got back home? What about the friends? Did they laugh or were they embarrassed for poor Mrs. Youngman who said nothing but meekly allowed herself to be led to a seat? Maybe the remark wasn’t as innocent as Henny claims. In any event, he used the line in his act for the next 40+ years, along with many others, much worse, that would test the limits of any marriage. He and his wife stayed together until she died after over 60 years together.

Rodney Dangerfield and the mother of his two children had a much shorter and stormier marriage. He gave up on the comedy business in his twenties to work selling aluminum siding. He tried to provide for his young family but went broke anyway. He gave comedy a second go at 40, but by that time he and his wife were history. Despite the lousy marriage, Rodney’s jokes, unlike Henny’s , were not at the expense of his wife. His humor was self-deprecating. He was almost always the butt of his own wife jokes. “My wife likes to talk to me during sex. The other night she called me from the motel.”

Henny would work and then work some more—he was known to do a big show, then go to his hotel and try to find a bar mitzvah or some other private party to entertain for 15 minutes and 150 bucks. His credo was the Yiddish for “Get the cash”. Rodney was happy to make the bigger bucks too, but he would blow it on alcohol, drugs and women. His jokes were funny, but his big attraction was his persona. Of course he got “no respect” because after a cruel childhood of neglect and his struggles with marriage and career, he didn’t feel he deserved any. He fought depression and got high every day of his adult life. His trademark bug-eyed look of confusion, head to the side, hand pulling at his open collar and tie was born when he forgot his lines on stage at the Ed Sullivan Show. Ed thought it was brilliant and it was. We laugh at his discomfort like we laugh when Curley is hit by Moe or when Laurel cries at Hardy’s verbal abuse.

Many of us small folk try to get a laugh from time to time, not always with success and at times with unforeseen bad repercussions. A freshman at Tufts tried his hand at comedy and suffered for it at the clenched fists of every politically correct organization on campus including the school administration. It happened this year during a campaign for student office. A female student of Chinese ancestry put up a poster with her picture and the phrase, “Small stature, big ideas”. In-Goo Kwak, himself of Korean origin (but perhaps Daily Show suckling), put up a poster next to hers with his picture and his slogan, “Squinty eyes, big vision”. In-Goo apologized and avoided suspension. The student body was divided, but many rose in his defense and in an expression of anti-PC-ishness actually elected him to the school’s ethics board. Go figure. They like him. They like him.

If they like you, like they say in Chicago’s Razzle Dazzle that I referenced last week, you can “get away with murder”. Take Bill Clinton. He had W.C. Fields' smile and George Burns’ cigar, screwed around, lied to Congress, got impeached and rode it all the way to the bank. Now he goes around trying to act presidential. That makes me laugh. God forbid Hillary should ever try to tell a joke. She’s smart enough not to.

So I got this problem. Every now and then I try to be funny. What could be wrong with that? Let me tell you. First, look at that picture—the stiff in the suit. Nothing funny about him. Second, you may not really like me. I act too serious and am one of those doctor types who knows a bit too much and does some uncomfortable sounding things. Third, maybe you’re not like Sadie, shy and totally devoted. As Carly Simon said, “You probably think this song is about you”. I know what Lenny Bruce would tell you…but I’m no Lenny Bruce. Friends, it’s not about you. If anyone is to be the butt around here, let it be me. Q: What’s a colonoscope? A: A medical instrument with an A-hole at both ends. ,PLEASE!