A Parent's Blessing

Graduation season is upon us in the Benjamin family. It’s a season full of so many thoughts and emotions, it’s hard to sort them all out, let alone make any sense of them. And that’s just for me, a proud parent, one slowly, reluctantly, resignedly further loosening the ties and hoping the prodigal daughter will find her way in life.

Dustin Hoffman was The Graduate, and coincidently, was also a Benjamin. The idea for this blog post came to me last month as I watched The Graduate on television. Hoffman’s Benjamin character, in the movie’s defining moment, burst out of his car and ran in the drenching rain away from Mrs. Robinson, to her daughter Elaine to tell her about his affair with her mother. As Benjamin leaves the screaming and hysterical Elaine, Mrs. Robinson, physically diminished, cowering in the hallway with dripping hair and running mascara verbally rises to put the knife into his emotional wounds with a cruel, victorious “Goodbye Benjamin”.

I wasn’t afraid for Benjamin. I’ve seen the movie at least 20 times and know that he recovers from this trauma, finally sees a future for himself, goes for it and gets the girl in the end. Like any parent, I did give a thought or two about how the graduate got himself into such a mess. On a completely different level, I recognized the brilliance of Mike Nichols, specifically the movie’s water imagery. The cleansing rain, the womb-like depths of Benjamin’s suburban swimming pool, the naked exposure of the opening scene’s fish in their tank. No doubt about it, The Graduate is a great movie, one of the best ever. When my mind stopped wandering, I was left with one thought: What is it to be a Benjamin?

Clearly, you can’t dismiss us with a “Goodbye”. We’ll take that as a challenge and end up with the girl and the last laugh. Is our attitude that it’s All About the Benjamins? I don’t think so (though some wives and in-laws may disagree). I never even saw that movie. Having a couple Benjamins in your pocket is a good thing, but for us, it’s not about the money. We are a tribe, descended from the youngest son of Jacob and his most beloved wife Rachel.

Benjamin was originally named Ben-oni, “the son of my sorrow” as Rachel died giving birth to him. Jacob renamed him “the son of the right” which most interpret as meaning strong and virtuous, as in right hand man. Benjamin was a full brother to Joseph who’s other brothers sold him into slavery and who went on to be advisor to the king of Egypt. Benjamin was held captive by Joseph and used to trick Jacob into coming to Egypt. When Jacob died he blessed each of his sons. His blessing for Benjamin was, “Benjamin is a ravening wolf, in the morning he devours the prey, in the evening he snatches a share of the spoil” (Genesis 49:27). This was a blessing, not a curse. Benjamin went on to live a life that was so blessed that it is said he was one of only four men in eternity to die without sin. There’s good in being strong, self-sufficient, self-sustaining and grabbing for what you feel is rightly yours. Yeah, that sounds like a Benjamin.

Wolves are not always loners, and as I said above, we are members of a tribe. The tribal mentality carries with it the connotation of fierce loyalty. The tribe of Benjamin was attacked and almost completely wiped out by the other eleven tribes in Biblical times when they refused to surrender a group of rapists and murderers to justice. 600 Benjamins survived and took wives from the other tribes. They went on to give birth to the first king of Israel, Saul, who was a Benjamin. Mordachi and Esther were Benjamins. In the Bible it says we taught our sons to fight left handed in order to have an edge in battle. We are strong, selfish, clever, insanely loyal and enduring.

So, graduate Benjamins, in conclusion, I leave you with a word. No, it’s not “Plastics”. Had Benjamin taken that advice he’d only have had a job. I said it already. It’s not about the money. The word is family. We gave birth to you. We raised you. We taught you tricks to get ahead. We are in your DNA. We will fiercely defend you. We will let go and know you will sustain yourself and grab for your share. Go with our blessing. Find out what makes you laugh out loud like Benjamin and Elaine in the back of that city bus. Your happiness is our happiness. That is family.