2010, Looking Up

“The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas.” This Linus Pauling quote was the solution to a recent New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle. I knew when I read it that it would be the inspiration for a blog, I just didn’t know what the blog would be about. As I set out now to write, I still am not entirely sure. You see, I am no genius. For whatever reason, I just don’t have as many ideas as Pauling, a Nobel Prize winner for Chemistry and Peace. Albert Einstein agreed with Pauling. He was passionate about imagination and said it was more important than knowledge. It was his ability to be persistent, and be willing to imagine and fail 99 times that allowed him to be recognized as a genius when, on his hundredth attempt, he succeeded. The more you read about Einstein, the more you’ve got to like him. My joke about sex at 60 is that I’m for it, but you should at least pull over to the side of the road first. Einstein said the same thing in a different way: “Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves”. I wonder what the first 99 girls were thinking.

I do have some ideas. Usually, they come to me at 4 AM. To those of you who have been faithful to PinpointAnalysis, you may remember my Naybob Bobblehead doll. Now that was a great idea. Can’t you imagine how many parents would buy one with their face on it for their kids in college. I’m sure it would be a big seller, especially if it contained an audio chip with a recording of the parent’s voice, “No, no, no!” I’d follow it up with one for the college freshman to balance out the parental advice with some that spoke more to the id. For the guys, there’d be the YeaMeg doll. It’s head would bob in the yes direction only and the recorded voice would be Meg Ryan’s from the Deli scene in “When Harry Met Sally” (see link below).   An orgasmic yes, yes, yes, yes would do it for me. For the ladies I’m still not sure. It would have to be a multidirectional bobblehead, one that could be pushed in any direction. I think I’d leave the audio chip out, you know, keep him strong and silent, or just plain dumb. There would have to be a changeable face option, Antonio Banderas one day, Brad Pitt the next. The problem is that it might be nice to leave out the face altogether, a la Xaviera Hollander’s zipless sexual encounter. I haven’t yet figured out how to make a bobblehead with no face and a tight ass.

Another idea of mine is the Backapplicator. This invention is a long rectangular shammy towel designed to allow sunbathers to apply suntan lotion to their own backs. Utilitarian and feels good too! Imagine kiosks at the beach where you could either buy a Backapplicator or lie down on a massage table and be lathered up like a shoe getting buffed. I’d start this one out in California.

With the New Year approaching some of us reflect on the year, or decade, that is ending. Others look forward to the year to come and make resolutions of all sorts. Einstein said that our main problem is that we have perfected our means to get things done but are confused in our aims. For those of you who are reflectors, I think you’d have to agree. I’m more of a look forwarder. This coming year I’m going to follow the advice of two great Americans, Satchel Paige and Pat Paulsen. Baseball legend Paige said, “Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching”. Paulsen never won a US presidential election despite trying six times. Still, I’ll aspire to follow his campaign slogan, “I've upped my standards. Now, up yours”.  A very happy and healthy New Year to you all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-bsf2x-aeE&feature=PlayList&p=0C96102F6BAD11D0&index=0&playnext=1

Falling Out Of Bed

This blogging gets tougher as the days get shorter. The news media do not have the luxury of a warm den, a leather chair and a hi-def TV with cable and DVR to wallow in (like I do) as the season takes its toll on their affects. They must produce copy to meet their deadlines, deadlines that in the age beyond CNN no longer wait until five PM, but rather exist in real time, ever ready to shake, jolt and revolt us. I have no such constraints and I readily admit, my readers, that it has been two weeks since my last blog-fession.

We are in the midst of Tiger frenzy. A friend asked me to comment in my blog. Pinpoint Analysis is what he may have hoped for, but I’m thinking, these days that, like my brother Bill joked, my postings tends to be not at all analytic, a bit obtuse and written (who said it?) by a pinhead. What, me worry? Heck no. Here goes…

Hiding Tiger, Revealed Transgressions is nothing more than an ancient Greek tragedy. How the mighty have fallen and all of that. It’s Oedipus with his eyes out or the Emperor with no clothes. We elevate our modern heroes up on 90 million per year endorsement pedestals and delight in their falls. For some of America Tiger was more than a king or hero, he was a god. There was a website tigerisgod.com. Forgive me, but I can’t go on without playing the race card. Tiger was revenge. He beat the white guys at their game. He proved yet again, the physical superiority of blacks. He took the white guys' trophies, prize money, endorsement contracts and even their blond Viking goddess. For white America, he made us feel less racist. Corporate America showed us how colorblind they could be… when there’s profit to be made. They turned him into a billion dollar brand. No matter what bad consequences may come as a result of Tiger’s infidelity, if rich blacks, Asians, Jews and women can now be members in formerly white only clubs, I’d say Tiger did good. Without Tiger (and Oprah) there’s no way Obama would be President. They showed America’s power brokers that a black product could be packaged, sold, return a profit and inspire along the way. A shake up like this forces us to face the wide racial divide that still exists in America, and that is good too. Amid comparisons between Tiger and OJ, SNL skits and all of ESPN’s self-righteous pundits telling Tiger how to live his life, my favorite quote was from a black 20 something, who when interviewed on the street, said that he would never have voted for Obama if Obama had not been married to a black woman. That thought had never occurred to me. Of course not, I’m white.

For Tiger and his family, I wish them the best. No one really wants to be, or live with a god. For the rest of us, there’s still a lot of work to be done as a country, and as we all must admit, behind our own closed doors too; as husbands, wives, children, parents and friends. Before the year is over please, someone, get me up out of this leather chair. There’s some holidays and a new year coming. If there’s work to be done , let’s do it together.

Tigger: There's no difference between plunging 10,000 feet to the jagged rocks below and falling out of bed.

Piglet: Oh, really?

Tigger: Sure, haha! Except for the splat at the end they're practically similar.